· Oh, goody! Eight-ball-faced (literally, not in the Andy Dick sense) Looney Tunes character Marvin The Martian will get his own Warner Bros. feature, in which he shall finally be reunited with his beloved eludium pu36 explosive space modulator. [Variety]
· HBO secured rights to Liza Palmer's chunk lit classic, Conversations With the Fat Girl. [Variety]
· In more HBO news—these guys are desperate for a hit! Everyone's tuning over to AMC! FUCKING AMC!!!—they've returned to executive producer Mark Wahlberg's muscled embrace, greenlighting his pilot How to Make It in America. It's about "three enterprising downtown twentysomethings who hustle their way through New York City determined to achieve the American dream," aka NYCtourage. [THR]
· ABC purchased French sitcom Fais pas ci, fais pas ca for Americanization by Samantha Who? co-EP Bob Kushell. [THR]
· Josh Lucas will star in Tim Robbins's Showtime pilot Possible Side Effects, about a pharmaceutical dynasty. The title is a humorous play on the common warnings you find on prescription drug literature. [THR]

boomp3.com

A fretful Reese Witherspoon asked the women at a Brentwood nail salon if it would be okay for her to drive home with wet nails. The Little Nicky star has had numerous manicures in the past, but seemed unsure if her nails were completely dry yet. The nail technicians assured Witherspoon that her fingernails were dry and completely safe for driving. Witherspoon looked at her manicure one more time and asked if they could run a hair dryer over them before heading she got behind the wheel.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Trophy Case: Four-time Suspenders Aficionado magazine coverboy Larry King is on the offensive after rumors surfaced that he will leave his current wife, Shawn Southwick, after she finishes a stint in rehab. "His PR spokesman told AOL Television exclusively that those stories are not true; King tells us, 'I love her.'" [AOL Television]

It seemed too good to be true, and indeed, it was: after rumors surfaced that Amy Winehouse had been tapped to sing the theme song for the upcoming James Bond film Quantum of Solace, the troubled songstress fell out of the project (having recorded nothing but confused shrieks of "Oi! Blaaaake" over a propulsive string quartet). Now, Bond producers have turned to an unlikely pair to record the series' first duet:

Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli, producers of the highly anticipated 22nd James Bond adventure Quantum of Solace, announced today that multi-Grammy Award-winning and platinum selling recording artists Jack White of the rock band The White Stripes, and Alicia Keys, have recorded the theme song for the film, which will be released worldwide this November.

Their song, written and produced by Jack White, and titled "Another Way to Die," will be the first duet in Bond soundtrack history. In addition to writing the song, Jack White is also featured as the drummer on this track.

Already, we can feel Bond fans clutching Walther PPKs to their bosoms, moaning that the duo isn't fit to join the hallowed ranks of Bond interpreters like Sheena Easton, A-Ha, and Rita Coolidge. Will Keys be able to give White's rock and roll nursery rhymes some Bond-ian grandeur, or will the pair crash and burn, leaving 007 producers no other choice but to approach the film's one true muse: Miley Cyrus?

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• 'Another Way To Die' [Bondmovies.com]

Having stared into the vacant black eyes of The Beast more times than he'd care to remember, veteran movie producer Art Linson (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Fight Club, and Into the Wild, to name just a few) had amassed so many "That's Hollywood, baby!" stories over the years, he strung them together into a memoir—What Just Happened? Bitter Hollywood Tales from the Front Line—and then a screenplay. And surprise! The project found a producer, who convinced Barry Levinson to direct, and Robert DeNiro to take the lead.

Happened? screened at Sundance and Cannes, where the movie was met by a mixed reaction spanning everything from mild bemusement to complete indifference—ultimately necessitating a release by Magnolia Pictures, backer Mark Cuban's distribution arm. And what kinds of backroom wheeler-dealing goodies await us? LAT's The Big Picture describes one scene that recreates "the time Alec Baldwin, about to star in the David Mamet-written The Edge, reported to work with a Moses-style beard, prompting a production crisis." The scene is above, with Bruce Willis playing himself but channeling the tantrum-throwing Baldwin, using the banner of artistic integrity to justify his right to retain his bearish facial outcropping. We like to picture Baldwin reacting to the scene with an equally choleric meta-rant, which Willis would ably recreate in the film's unlikely sequel, and so on and so forth, until our brains dribble out of our nostrils.

• Patrick Goldstein on the collision of entertainment, media and pop culture [LAT]

Freeze, Motherfucker: Sometimes Defamer just has to take a stand, as we hope our recent efforts on behalf of Victims of George Lucas reflects. And such crusades are always made easier by the knowledge we're not alone. For instance, take the kindred spirit who enacted the fantasy of beleaguered Star Wars and Indiana Jones fans everywhere with this model of Lucas encased in carbonite — a riff on Han Solo's mode of transport following his enemy capture in The Empire Strikes Back. We can probably conjure lesser penalties for Lucas, but click the image for a more detailed rendering of the short-term fix that suits us just fine. [/Film]

Theories abound in the NY Times recently as to why Steven Spielberg had to go all the way to India for a new and improved DreamWorks deal: Wall Street is skittish! DVD revenue is slipping! Spielberg is overpriced! So on and so forth — all and none of which are true at the same time. What's buried waaay at the end of Brooks Barnes's users guide to Spielberg 2.0, however, is the key chapter explaining his quest for the one backer in the world who will just give him a half-billion dollars already and leave him alone:

With the capital markets in turmoil, terms have tightened substantially for movie deals. Investors are demanding faster payback schedules, better guarantees and even a say in how movies are made and marketed.

None of that is acceptable to the DreamWorks team. Mr. Spielberg, who has directed more than 50 films, also wants to control his own destiny; at this point in his career, say friends, his accomplishments have earned him the right to have 100 percent control over his movies. Autonomy and ownership are paramount, and, at the moment, overseas investors are the most likely to allow Mr. Spielberg to write his own ticket, say studio executives.

We've already visited the Asian invasion among film financiers, from the Indian conglom that helped underwrite The Happening to Sony's buyout of MGM. It's not like they and Spielberg's new partners at Reliance ADA aren't risk-averse (the stability of 'Works president Stacey Snider is as imperative as Spielberg's own output), but you won't ever see them spinning to Barnes like Ron Meyer does today, alleging that Universal "[has] not been given the opening to be in business with DreamWorks.”

Translation: "He had this unlisted-number condition that was, like, WTF? What if I had questions about this Amistad sequel? Seriously. He thinks Reliance won't bug him? They're a phone company, Steven! Get the hell off our lot." Gladly, Ron. Gladly.

• Steven Spielberg’s Director’s Cut [NYT]

Following a 5.4 earthquake that dealt most of its damage to people's Facebook status updates ("Jim is: EARTHQUAKE!"), it was only natural to wonder how the tremor might have affected the city's old, its infirm, and its Big Brother 10 residents. Fortunately, the Hollywood Reporter can help us out on at least one of those fronts: its video update reveals that the Big Brother houseguests bypassed the "Is that a truck? Oh, wait..." stage experienced by most Los Angelenos, instead rushing out into the backyard to doff their clothes and trade "Omigawds." Video after the jump.

Even the brave souls at E!'s Sunset Tan were not immune to the quake, though they faced it with their clothes already off:

“Sunset Tan” sales rep and cast member Holly Huddleston was stuck in a tanning booth when things started to vibrate during an FHM photo shoot promoting the E! series.

“I was in nothing but a bra and panties and wearing these high heels when everything started shaking,” Huddleston said. “I kind of stopped and looked around to see if it was just me, if I was the one shaking or if I was just positioned funny.

Satisfied that the shaking was due to natural causes and not a few too many Stoli/Red Bulls, Huddleston went back to work, bravely illustrating the (paraphrased) axiom that "a woman can do any earthquake a man can, she just has to do it backwards, in high heels, while a photographer grouses, 'Can someone keep those nipples iced up?'"

• Reality TV stars react to the Los Angeles quake [Los Angeles Times]
• Video: Earthquake Hits The Big Brother House [THR]